“Too Much Responsibility” or a Culture That Stole It from Mothers?

Reframing the Real Problem in Birth Support & Parental Power

“I’ve had two children, both freebirths. I chose it, and I do prefer to birth alone, but the weight of responsibility felt crushing at times. I even told myself I wouldn’t have more kids because of how heavy that felt. How sad is that?!”

This mother’s confession is vulnerable, brave, and deeply common. But instead of stopping at sympathy and validating how hard it felt, let’s dig deeper.

What if the real problem isn’t that mothers are carrying too much, but that their God-given authority has been hidden, stripped, and outsourced… only to be handed back in fragments when it’s convenient for the system?

Mothers Were Meant to Lead—Not Comply

Mothers were designed to hold the authority over their pregnancies, births, and babies. Not passively, but actively. Not in fear, but in wisdom. Not as a burden, but as a birthright.

But we’ve built a culture, across all models of care that conditions women to hand over their power from the moment of conception.

They are taught:

• “Come in and we’ll confirm you’re pregnant.”

• “We’ll keep an eye on things for you.”

• “Let us decide what’s safe.”

• “You can’t know that on your own.”

Most women aren’t even seen until late in the first trimester, after weeks of waiting, wondering, Googling, and feeling lost. With no answers or true guidance, they’re finally invited into quick, impersonal appointments that often feel more like fear-based checklists than true care. By then, many have already internalized that birth is something to be managed, not led.

And over time, women absorb the lie: “I am not capable of knowing or leading in my own care.”

So when a mother does try to reclaim that leadership, when she decides to monitor her own wellness, decline routine care, or give birth on her own terms, it doesn’t feel like freedom.

It feels like fear.

It feels like loneliness.

It feels like she’s violating the rules of a game she never asked to play.

Responsibility isn’t what crushes women. The theft of it is.

The Real Issue: A culture of Outsourcing Built to Serve Systems, Not Women

Let’s be clear: this is not about how you birth.

It’s about who owns the authority in your birth story.

In nearly every setting; hospitals, birth centers, and even licensed homebirth practices, mothers are rarely supported as the central authority.

 Instead:

• They’re encouraged to “trust the provider.”

• They’re told what’s allowed or acceptable.

• They’re often denied full transparency.

• They are reprimanded if they seek autonomy or challenge standard protocol.

This is not an accident.

This is structural. Intentional. Profitable.

When women are convinced they cannot lead, decide, or track their own health…they will always need to pay someone else to do it for them.

The Blame Game: A System Built on Liability, Not Love

• Hospitals are insulated.

  Protected by policies and legal teams, hospitals can say “we followed procedure” and avoid all responsibility for outcomes that harm families.

• Midwives are vulnerable.

  Especially licensed ones, who must practice with extreme caution under tight regulations. One poor outcome, even if unavoidable, can cost them their career.

• Mothers are blamed.

  Every. Single. Time.

  If she went against advice: “She was reckless.”

  If she followed advice and something went wrong: “She should’ve known better.”

And caught in the middle?

• Doulas, offering emotional support without institutional authority, often carrying the emotional labor for everyone involved, yet often feeling left powerless to protect or prevent.

Empowerment Without Authority Is a Lie

• Let’s stop telling women they are “empowered” if they still have to ask permission.

• Let’s stop calling them “supported” if they’re being monitored, not partnered with.

• Let’s stop preaching about “choice” when every option is filtered through policy, fear, or insurance coverage.

Real empowerment is:

• Knowing your God-given authority

• Learning how to assess your own health and wellness

• Choosing care and support; not compliance

• Being educated, not managed

• Being accompanied, not overridden

Radical Proposal: Give the Power Back—On Purpose and Without Apology

If women were never meant to outsource their responsibility in the first place, then it’s time to stop pretending they ever could.

Let’s stop asking systems for permission to lead our own births.

Let’s stop expecting anyone else to protect what only we can protect.

Let’s stop framing “responsibility” as a weight too heavy to bear, when in reality, it’s the absence of ownership that’s been crushing us.

Instead, let’s return what was taken.

Let’s rebuild a culture where women:

• Decide their own timelines

• Track their own health

• Call the shots in their birth spaces

• Seek support only when needed; not by default

• And know that they were always the ones chosen to carry this role

The Real Revolution?

It’s not just about birthing differently.

It’s about refusing to outsource again what God put in your hands to begin with.

Because when a mother knows, chooses, and owns

even if the road is hard, or the outcome isn’t what she hoped

she can stand tall in peace, knowing she wasn’t deceived, silenced, or sidelined.

She was awake, aware, and aligned with who she was created to be.