“Take a Benadryl and Don’t Call Me Yet”: The Quiet Controversy of Early Labor Support for First-Time Moms

In hushed conversations behind closed doors, or anonymously posted in birth worker forums and midwifery groups, a quiet but growing frustration is taking root in the midwifery world: first-time mothers and early labor. And it’s not about empowerment, education, or informed consent, it’s about logistics, boundaries, and burnout.

While midwifery care is often celebrated for its personalized, woman-centered approach, some current conversations reveal a tension that’s hard to ignore: a push for first-time birthing women (primips) to manage early labor largely on their own, often with pharmaceutical "help," in order to preserve the time and energy of midwives.

“Don’t call me before X point,” writes one midwife bluntly in an online thread. “I also will tell clients they can text me if it makes them feel better—and that I will likely not reply.”

Others echo this same boundary-laden refrain: hire a doula or don’t birth with me.

The Rise of the Rest Protocol: Benadryl, Tylenol & ‘Ignore It’

One mother at 37 weeks posted in a Facebook group, “Hi, I’m 37 weeks today with my first baby and my midwife mentioned that she sometimes recommends taking Benadryl and Tylenol in early labor to help with relaxing… I try to stay away from medications, so I don’t really want to take them, but was wondering if there was a more natural equivalent…”

This is not an isolated recommendation. In fact, the “Benadryl and Tylenol” protocol has become a common early labor coping suggestion by midwives who are trying to balance busy schedules and exhausted birth teams. Some go further: adding CBD, Tylenol PM, or even a glass of wine to the list.

But where is the line between a helpful tip and an effort to delay support for someone in discomfort or emotional need? Especially when rest is encouraged before pain becomes overwhelming, and yet the laboring mother’s subjective experience is often brushed aside as "not labor yet"?

The Doula Dilemma: Support Required or Outsourced Responsibility?

It’s become common for midwives to require that first-time mothers must hire a doula.

“Doulas aren’t encouraged—they’re required. No doula, no birth with me if it’s a primip,” says one midwife unapologetically. “I charge the primips extra $1500 so a midwife and assist can hang extra long or pull in a replacement.”

Another midwife adds, “Because we got so busy last year, we charge $400 more if they don’t hire a doula and make it clear we’re not coming early.”

On one hand, doulas can be an incredible asset. But when required as a gatekeeping tool to manage workload, the tone shifts from supportive to strategic outsourcing.

And what happens when a family can’t afford a doula? Or if their doula is inexperienced? What if the birthing person still doesn’t feel emotionally safe or physically supported?

“Sometimes doulas and excited family members make it worse!” another midwife warns. “They give laboring people all kinds of things to do when really they should just be not even considering themselves in labor yet.”

Under the doula segment, it's important to also consider the dangers that this poses to doulas—as this is outsourcing responsibility to doulas and putting them in a very risky situation, i.e. doulas potentially catching babies when they are not hired to or medically trained to, and this could lead to all kinds of legal complications.

Dismissal vs Discernment: Is the Pain Real if You're Only 2cm?

Herein lies the core controversy: what constitutes real labor—and who decides?

“It’s important that we don’t discount someone’s lived experience,” says a midwife pushing back on the trend. “Someone at 2-3cm isn’t in active labor, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t having painful contractions that are impossible to ignore.”

Too often, we hear from birthing people who felt invalidated or dismissed during early labor.

“I can’t sleep through these!” many say, only to be told to “ignore it” or “just breathe through it.”

“Have you ever been told to ignore a headache and had that actually work?” one practitioner quipped.

Meanwhile, a growing body of evidence suggests that medications like acetaminophen (Tylenol) in early labor may actually prolong the labor process—adding to the mental and physical toll.

“There’s some evidence to suggest that paracetamol/acetaminophen in early labour can actually prolong things… something to ponder,” noted one midwife, linking to an NIH-funded study exploring connections between acetaminophen use in pregnancy and higher risks of ADHD and autism.

Responsibility Shift or Red Flag?

The crux of the issue is this: as more midwives restrict early labor presence and shift responsibility to doulas, what happens to the principle of whole-person care?

Is asking a struggling birthing woman to “just rest” or “don’t call me yet” truly supportive care—or is it a symptom of a birth system stretched too thin?

One midwife asked honestly, “If someone is not doing well, do you go to their home? Go to the hospital? Sounds like most midwives are placing this responsibility on the doula. But what if they do not have a doula—what is your plan?”

Where Do We Go From Here?

There is no one-size-fits-all solution. Midwives are human. They are parents, partners, and professionals juggling full client loads and complex emotions. They deserve rest and boundaries too.

But it’s fair—and necessary—to ask:

• Are we encouraging sleep and coping… or dismissing women’s needs in early labor?

• When does “don’t call me yet” become abandonment?

• And who carries the burden when doulas are unavailable, unqualified, or unaffordable?

It’s time we reckon with the quiet truth: the desire for better boundaries is valid; but so is a birthing woman’s need for support, even at 2cm.

If we aren’t willing to meet families where they are, we risk perpetuating the very medicalization we claim to reject, this time not with Pitocin and cervical checks, but with Benadryl and busy calendars.

What do YOU think? Should midwives delay showing up in early labor to preserve their energy or is that denying the full picture of what birth truly demands? Leave a comment and share your story