“He Said He’d Call Security”: When Doulas Become the Threat Instead of the Support

A doula recently wrote in a global doula group:

“How do you manage really challenging providers? My client said she just informed her OBGYN she has a doula and he completely lost it. She said they spent the entire visit fighting about whether or not I was allowed in the room. He even told her he’d call security. I’ve never met him and she is due any day so I don’t feel like I have time (nor the charisma) to make friends with him before delivery. Not looking forward to meeting him.”

This post is not rare.

It is becoming common.

And it reveals a painful truth:

Doulas are no longer entering birth spaces as support, they are entering as perceived threats.

What Changed?

The problem is not this OB.

The problem is not this doula.

The problem is the culture we have created around doula identity.

Doulas were never meant to be negotiators of power.

Yet many are now trained to approach providers as adversaries rather than collaborators and providers are responding accordingly.

Fear meets fear.

Control meets control.

And the mother stands in the middle.

The common responses:

"Focus on your client. Stay firm in your advocacy strategies. Show him how doulas work."

This mindset that doulas must enter rooms to prove themselves, assert advocacy strategies, or “show providers how doulas work”, is exactly what is driving increased doula regulation, restriction, and exclusion across birth spaces. When support becomes performance and presence becomes a power exchange, systems respond with control.

The Hidden Question No One Is Asking

Why did the OB feel threatened by a doula he had never met?

Because doulas are no longer neutral in reputation.

They are now often associated with:

Interference

Challenge

Resistance

Litigation risk

Public complaint

Undermining authority

Whether fair or not, that is the reality many providers now operate from.

And when a doula enters a room carrying that reputation, she is already fighting an uphill battle.

Where Support Turns Into Opposition

Notice the language:

“How do you manage really challenging providers?”

The framing already assumes conflict.

Not how do I protect my client’s peace,

but how do I manage the provider.

This subtle shift reveals everything.

Support has been replaced with strategy.

Presence has been replaced with positioning.

And providers feel it.

The Tragic Outcome

When a provider threatens security…

The mother’s nervous system activates.

The birth space becomes unsafe.

The doula becomes the focal point.

And the woman, the one who should be centered; becomes collateral.

No one wins.

Are Providers Right?

No.

Threatening security over a support person is unacceptable.

But we must be honest:

Providers are reacting to patterns, not individuals.

And doulas are now paying for the cultural identity that has been built around their role.

Where Doula Culture Went Wrong

Many doulas were trained to believe:

Conflict equals strength

Resistance equals empowerment

Authority must be challenged

Peace is compliance

Collaboration is compromise

But in truth:

Peace is power.

Humility is influence.

Presence is authority.

What Would a Different Doula Energy Look Like?

A Faith Driven Doula would approach this situation differently:

Not with fear.

Not with offense.

Not with strategy.

But with grounded presence.

With prayer.

With humility.

With clarity of role.

With respect for authority without surrendering maternal dignity.

The Faith Driven Doula Difference

We train doulas to:

Walk into tense spaces without escalating them

Carry spiritual authority without ego

Honor providers while centering mothers

Protect peace, not power

Support autonomy, not rebellion

Trust God in outcomes, not control them

We do not train doulas to fight systems.

We train doulas to redeem spaces.

The Truth Providers Feel But Don’t Say

Providers are not afraid of doulas.

They are afraid of:

Being recorded

Being reported

Being misrepresented

Being blamed

Being legally vulnerable

And many doulas are unknowingly taught to operate in ways that increase that fear.

The Question We Must Ask Ourselves

Are doulas entering rooms to serve women?

Or to prove something?

Because when a provider threatens security, it is not just about authority.

It is about fear.

And fear always creates walls.

The Only Path Forward

If doulas want to remain welcome in birth spaces, the profession must return to:

Emotional intelligence

Role clarity

Spiritual maturity

Collaboration

Humility

Reverence for birth

Not control.

Not confrontation.

Not identity politics.

To the Doula Who Wrote That Post

You are not the problem.

But you are standing inside a broken system that taught you the wrong posture.

You were trained to brace for battle.

When you were meant to bring peace.

Doulas will not be restored to birth spaces by regulations.

They will be restored by wisdom.

And the future of doula work depends on who we choose to become next.

When Support Becomes Stress: Who Is Really Being Protected?

When a doula recently shared that her client’s OB reacted strongly when he learned a doula would be present. The visit turned into an argument about whether the doula would be “allowed” in the room. Security was mentioned. Tension was created. And the mother, days from birth; was left sitting in the middle of a power struggle.

What followed in the comments was well-intentioned, but revealing.

🚩 “Switch providers.”

🚩 “Fire him.”

🚩 “Document everything.”

🚩 “Request someone else.”

🚩 “Run interference.”

🚩 “Prepare for battle.”

Almost every response centered on strategy, defense, and escalation.

Very few centered on the mother’s nervous system.

Very few centered on her peace.

Very few centered on the physiological truth that stress changes labor.

The Hidden Cost of These Responses

When a pregnant woman is encouraged to view her birth as a battlefield, her body does not feel safe.

When she is told she must prepare for conflict, her body does not relax.

When she is placed between her provider and her support team, her nervous system moves into protection mode.

And protection mode is not where birth flows best.

Cortisol rises.

Oxytocin drops.

Contractions become less coordinated.

Pain perception increases.

Labor often slows.

When Advice Becomes Pressure

Many responses meant to empower can quietly burden:

“You must switch.”

“You must fire him.”

“You must stand your ground.”

“You must document.”

“You must prepare.”

But what if the mother does not want more decisions?

What if she is tired?

What if she simply wants to feel safe and supported?

Empowerment without gentleness becomes pressure.

One response stood apart:

“Stress and power plays can have a huge impact on labor. Just make sure you're not contributing to it.”

That is the heart of the role.

A doula is not meant to be the architect of conflict.

She is meant to be the guardian of peace.

Her job is not to win a system.

Her job is to protect the mother’s nervous system.

Her job is to help the mother feel held, not mobilized.

What Gets Lost in These Conversations

The birth room is not a courtroom.

It is not a battlefield.

It is not a political space.

It is a sacred physiological event that responds to environment, tone, safety, and trust.

Every conversation that heightens fear, tension, or division directly affects the mother’s body.

The Question We Should Be Asking

Not:

“How do we handle the provider?”

But:

“How do we protect the mother’s peace?”

Not:

“How do we assert rights?”

But:

“How do we preserve safety, dignity, and flow?”

A Faith-Driven Perspective

Faith teaches us that peace is not weakness.

Gentleness is not passivity.

And humility is not surrender.

A Faith Driven Doula does not enter birth spaces to fight.

She enters to steady.

She enters to ground.

She enters to remind the mother that she is not alone.

When everyone around a woman prepares for war, her body prepares for protection.

But when everyone around her protects peace, her body remembers how to open.

And that difference can change everything.