A free birth or unassisted birth is a prenatal experience under the responsibility and self assistance of the mother themselves without a provider overseeing the labor and birth- each freebirth experience looks different, as it should because the goal is tuning into what your unique body and baby need-but ultimately the foundation is to be in control of your own automony and evidence based choices in care of the entire process without a professional legally liable for yours or your babies health.
♡Here is the story of Adalyn Ozark's grand entrance♡
In retrospect, I think it's inaccurate and unfair to call this birth "unassisted". It was a freebirth and not attended by any trained medical professionals, but it was absolutely not without the assistance of some really important people.
Matter of fact, if it weren't for Jonathan I have no idea how the day could have turned out.
He was my rock. He was my reason. He was my strength. He believed in me and urged me on even when I tried to give up. In true Jonathan fashion, he made it happen.
Along side him, my 15 year old daughter, Natalie, served as not only a strong and reliable doula(at the first birth she has ever witnessed mind you), but also a fantastic photographer and a hair stylist too😄
This was my 5th birth, all of which were natural, but this was my most difficult by far. I think my expectations played a big part in the challenge. I expected a short labor. I expected to be strong and peaceful. I hoped to be rested and capable. But those things weren't reality and I did not handle labor as well as I had hoped. I whined and bitched and cried and begged and the hours dragged on and on and on. It seemed as though it would never end! But Jonathan and Natalie both stood their ground and wouldn't let me waiver because they believed in me and knew I was capable.
All while Nancy, Jax and Sadie waited so patiently, quietly and lovingly for baby to make her appearance.
What I thought might be a 3 hour or less labor (judging from my previous labors) turned out to be a 13 hour labor running on no sleep.
My water broke just before 1am on 2-1, I was 42 weeks and 3 days. There was a tiny amount of meconium in the water but not enough to worry me. About an hour later contractions started up slow and peacefully. They weren't like other labor contractions I have had where I could feel the tightening wrap around my entire uterus. These were more like my bladder was contracting or like I had sharp gas pains in one specific spot. They stayed this way all through labor. We moved to the tent a couple hours into the contractions. They never got much more than 3-4 min apart but they definitely increased in intensity, and my exhaustion increased in coreelation. After several more hours I finally decided to get in the hot tub. Looking back, I likely should have waited longer because I believe this really slowed my labor down and really didn't offer much relief. I did try to get out once but I felt so incredibly heavy I couldn't bear it and sank back into the water. I could only stand to be on my knees hanging over the side of the tub and with each contraction Jonathan had to push as hard as he could on my sacrum with the heel of his hand as sort of a counter pressure.
All while I held and pulled his other hand with all my strength. This was no easy feat I'm sure and I feel so much gratitude for his strength and ability to get me through the experience. Natalie offered her hand often but after I grabbed it once and saw her wince I couldn't stand to let her help in that way again. But oh my goodness was her voice so incredibly soothing to me! Between her voice, the beautiful tent and the wonderful drum circle music playing in the background, I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful environment.
After what felt like an eternity and napping as much as possible between contractions I could finally feel that my cervix had shifted forward and a head was beginning to descend. I honestly felt so hopeless at this point. I had done so much already and the head was just now where I could reach it?! I could also feel that my cervix was not ready for pushing yet. There was a very defined lip and the last thing I wanted to do was rip my cervix. So I continued for another couple of hours laboring in the tub until my contractions became unbearable without pushing. This was one of my fears with having an unassisted birth. I had always been coached on when and how to push, would I know when and what my body was telling me? I got my answer in those moments, I knew pushing was my only option. There was no other way. It was very slow progress and the contractions seemed so far apart but with each push I could feel Adalyn's little head descend just a tiny bit more.
Eventually I knew I was just a push away from crowning and got worried that I couldn't push hard enough. She crowned and rose back up with 3 different contractions before I finally got a push strong enough to hold her head at that point and let my body stretch. This was the scariest and hardest part of the entire process for me. I could not push her head past my vaginal opening. I had the strength and the power but my body would not open wide enough and I began to panic a bit. I pulled at my labia and tried to stretch and pushed and pushed and after what felt like forever her head finally, slowly, emerged. I barely had the breath or presence to tell Jonathan that her head was out. I leaned back in the water and waited for the next contraction to push her the rest of the way out and while I waited, Adalyn started wiggling around still half inside of me and it was so intense! I wanted to finish pushing but I just couldn't without a contraction. The next contraction finally came and as my mother in law said "remember the shoulders are hard!" I pushed as hard as I could and Adalyn shot out of me like a rocket. Jonathan and I reached down and pulled her up to my chest and she cried instantly. She did spit up some meconium, I sucked out her nose and mouth and she continued to cry as we all cried and exhaulted our amazement. I quickly checked her gender and we were all so surprised to have a girl! My oldest son, who is totally not into this sorta thing, even stepped in for a picture with us which really made the moment perfect for me ♡
The tub began to get dark with blood and I took angelica to get my placenta to release. Although I should have checked for it first because a few moments later I took a squating position and along with some large clots it came right out. I did feel several more large gushes of blood, the hot tub water was very dark and I took wombstringe to get my uterus to contract down and stop bleeding. I was weak, weary and tired but my blood loss was manageable.
I honestly can't say what would have helped me handle this labor better. Jonathan believes if I had slept first I would have done great because, in his words, I'm a whiny bitch when I'm tired. And he is not wrong!😆
Maybe the hot tub slowed things down. Maybe my expectations made reality harder. Maybe a combination of all of those things.
At the end of the day my incredible support system made a perfect birth possible and I am so grateful for all of them being a part of the experience. I also fully understand why an experience like this can be life changing for a couple to experience. I have an entirely new appreciation and love for my husband for supporting me and believing in me, unwavering, the way he did.
I'm so grateful that Jaxon and Sadie were there to witness their new sister being born too. They both hoped for a sister and got their wish!